During the lockdown imposed by COVID-19 many stable points of my life have been shaken. My work hours have been reduced, my family and friends in Italy live under restrictions that make it hard to predict when we will see each other again. I am torn between boredom and preoccupation. My mood is under sudden and extreme fluctuations. I have had a hard time to stay connected with the present time and simultaneously tame my anxiety for the future. Some days I completely neglect taking care of myself and in moments like these some old, corrosive, negative talking about my body image pops up again.
One of these days, after a shower, I decided to draw everything that I was thinking. Not only my body, but also symbols of experiences that in the past made me feel the best and the worst about myself.
I do realize that all this free time with myself is only deepening some bad narcissism, or maybe, the need to finally figure out who I am.